I am re-reading Man’s Search for Meaning, by Victor Frankl, for a book group. A nugget from yesterday’s reading got me thinking about my past. One way to look at the past is to see missed opportunities, and regret lost youthfulness. Frankl instead suggests that we see each past page torn from our daily calendar gathering in a big pile. And on the pages there are notes of things we have accomplished, people we have loved, experiences we have had, and distresses we have bravely met.
Today I am focusing on this way of viewing the past. My natural inclination is to see lost opportunities and perceived unrealized potential, and feel sadness about them. To look at the lives of others, and think, “If only I had….” But today, when those thoughts emerge, I am reminding myself of all the little things that I have done and made and all the experiences I have had. I am thinking back on all the love I have given and received. And I am remembering all the suffering that I have faced without drowning, and sometimes even transformed into something lovely along the way.
I tend to compare myself to an ideal, and judge my past actions as if some perfect person were making the choices and acting. But that is not the case. It was me: a me who did not have complete knowledge, a me with my emotional vulnerabilities, a me with limitations and in circumstances beyond compare. Knowing this, I can look back and celebrate the actions, the accomplishments, the loves, and that I kept my head above water.
As you look back on your life, or find yourself comparing yourself with others, can this approach work for you? Can this bring a smile to your face as you remember times in your past in this light?